the self

naalala ko ang kwento ni ayen sa akin bago kami mag-exam sa chem. ang movie na the terminal. naaalala ko na ung bida doon ay nagtagumpay... o masasabi ng mga tao na nagtagumpay dahil iisa na lang ang papel na ginampanan niya sa buhay niya nung panahong iyon. ang maging mabuting anak sa namatay na ama. tapos naisip ko ang mga roles ko sa buhay and sometimes the schema of my roles are triggered within me by a name. yeah. what's in a name?
wala lang... kasi ganto yan. i realized that in the past (more or less) 17 years of existence, i've had roughly 20+ names. i've been patty to immediate family members, to all relatives, childhood friends and all my ate's friends. i've been fao/fau to all my highschool and college friends/aquaintance... whatever. i've been fai to some orgmates. i've been faoey (hehehe, pa-cute lang) to my kada.
there are also special names that only one person is allowed to call me that way. hehehe. patty-pul... ate makri... amishu!
honey star... to my koko krunch.
pillow... to my beloved shie.
nyt... to my nyt too.
kimbies to my kimbies.
kapuso... to my kapuso...
my lab... to isang my lab.
farts... to my farts...
these names... i would not allow anybody else but the people listed beside the name to call me that way... because schemas are schemas and i don't want to confuse myself. i can't be like the lead in terminal; these names represent the different selves within my self that keeps me far from accomplishing my tasks easily. but i do love these selves, and because some are quite hidden at this moment, i miss that part of me, which surely, at the time when it was the most active self, i was very happy.
i hope the people listed above also have only one person (me) to call them the special names i wrote. hehehe. pasaway lang. pa-espesyal... parang halo-halo na may 12 na laman at may ice cream pa... woooohooo. sarap!