on being trowa

someone once told me that among the five gundam (wing) pilots, i am trowa.
it was so long ago, and i think it was quite late for me to search trowa's profile now. but i did. i didn't watch the series, i just read fics. what brought me to searching for his profile is not of importance; what's important is that i did.
the only thing i knew about him was that he is a silent type, quite indifferent at that. i thought, yeah somewhat me. but when i read about him, i learned the reason behind this attitude, it's quite surprising. as a kid, he lost his family and was forced to fight in the war; and as a teen, he was forced to be a gundam pilot because it was an alternative over death. he doesn't have choices, he does things because there is nothing else better to do. it was said in his character analysis that he cares so much for quatre because he reminds him of the innocence that he lost as a kid. he fights wishing that the ugly past that he had would no longer exist for others and hoping that the beautiful face of life would be shown to him... in time. oh, i forgot to say that as a teen, he did not have anything. no friends, no family, no past, not even a name. trowa is actually not his name but was a name he was aked to use. his past was not with him too, selective amnesia maybe. and thanks to the other gundam pilots, he had a social life. that was all he had.
then i thought, is trowa living here inside me? there are just so many things in common although not all the things i wrote are included. just striking resemblance. but i like being him. there are just things that even pain could not stop me from seeing beauty.